In March, online video conferencing company Zoom shares skyrocketed. As governments around the world made us stay home, people organised a flurry of Friday night work drinks over Zoom, family quiz nights over Zoom, and transitioned our book clubs to Zoom. I had many virtual coffees with those in other cities that I would normally have gone months without seeing but suddenly it seemed the right thing to do.

In New Zealand’s relatively swift return to a form of normality, one of my Zoom catch-ups has stuck. Every Sunday at 10am Sunday I zoom with two friends. We call ourselves the Power Ladies.

“The calls started as something to do in the infinite time loop that was lockdown. But quickly became a key part of our emotional support network.”

We met in Canberra over a decade ago having all moved there for post-university jobs. We formed the core of a group that would meet for breakfast every Friday morning before work to talk about our careers – hence the origins of the name Power Ladies.

For the past 3 years, we have lived in 3 different countries – Australia, Switzerland and New Zealand. We have seen each other about once a year and talked through group messenger and email. But for the large part these catch-ups involved highlight reels – promotions, great holidays and the arrival of nieces and nephews.

The calls started as something to do in the infinite time loop that was lockdown. But quickly became a key part of our emotional support network.

As we cycle through the Sundays, with rarely a week missed, every week one of us needs the chat. We come with a question, an agenda item or just share the trash TV we have watched.

The video element is key to our practice's survival. Last week while we chatted our Sydneysider peeled carrots for her work lunches. I don’t need to know what she is having for her lunch and I’ll probably forget about it in a week or two. But seeing her do so provided context and comfort.

It was the equivalent of popping over to a good friends house unannounced and rifling through her fridge. It is not the fact that you did but the fact you could.

“This is … an ode to my key lesson of lockdown. Friendships are built on the mundane.”

We would not have had this intimacy through a group message or even over the phone. Seeing your friends' faces tells you so much more than their voice does. For those still in lockdown around the world, Zoom fatigue has become a real thing. A tiredness of looking at yourself and the unflinching faces of your colleagues for long periods of time. But in our relatively free worlds of Australia and New Zealand, taking an hour each week to focus on those in front of you feels like a treat.

This is not an ode to the Power Ladies (although they deserve it) or Zoom (wish I had bought shares) but an ode to my key lesson of lockdown. Friendships are built on the mundane.

Great friendships may swing between milestones but true bonds come from knowing the most boring things about your friends. I couldn't tell you the difference between one Power Lady session to the next. They have all merged into one giant conversation about report writing, podcast recommendations, the price of lemons and long belly giggles. But they exist.

My sourdough starter is very dead. And the paint by numbers that one of the ladies purchased at the start of lockdown goes unopened. But our Power Lady sessions endure.

I know now that friendships shouldn’t just consist of a happy birthday text. You can build friendships, not just maintain them if you go beyond the highlight reel. It is just as important that you know about a new pair of shoes as you as you do a new job.

In adulthood, friendships become harder to maintain as the busyness of life takes over. I won’t thank COVID for making us slow down but I will thank video messaging for teaching me to take interest and comfort in the little things.