You may have seen a rather corny email that circulated recently, about “what love is to 4 to 8-year-old kids.” One gem is worth reading again: “Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and just listen.”

Supposedly, Bobby aged 7 said this. Even if it was actually an adult, it’s worth stopping to think about.

Pressure to spend on children is common at Christmastime. The kids say they “must” have whatever the latest toy is. But if you could ask a child whether they would prefer lots of new toys plus grumpy, stressed parents when the January credit card bill comes in, or cheaper toys plus relaxed parents, I bet I know which they would prefer.

And what about all the other Yuletide spending?

Telling yourself “it’s Christmas!” is a great excuse for splashing out on food and, in many households, booze. Then there are the presents for adults. Sometimes we overspend on something because we just want to see the recipient’s smile. Sometimes it’s because we can’t think of the right gift for someone, and so we grab whatever catches our eye in an ad. It costs too much, but at least we can cross that person off our list.

On top of that, there might be travel to be with relatives on the day, which can cost anything from a tankful of petrol to several airfares. And what about time spent with family in the days following December 25th, perhaps including more travel, accommodation, meals out…

On and on the spending goes, until we are brought up short by that new year credit card bill.

January credit card bills are the least likely to be paid in full. It’s obvious why. And if they’re not paid, the interest clock starts to tick, and the debt expands. That leads to stress and perhaps family arguments. Say goodbye to the warm feelings of Christmas.

What do we really want from the festivities? Last year the Commission for Financial Capability (CFFC) asked New Zealanders what they most looked forward to at Christmas.

By far the most common response – at 62% - was time with family. Second and third, at 37% and 33%, were summer weather and time off work.

“These were followed by Christmas food, time with friends, and the Christmas spirit of love and peace. Only 13% of people rated giving or exchanging gifts as something they looked forward to,” says the Commission.

And what do we look forward to least? Shopping, commercialism and the cost of Christmas.

So let’s look at some creative ways to cut back on Merry Christmas Madness while still having a great celebration.

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1. Presents

In the CFFC survey 40% said their families have agreed to spending limits on gifts. A $10 or $20 limit can take the stress out of Christmas shopping. You can buy something that’s fun, and it doesn’t really matter if the recipient doesn’t love it.

Another common “gift system” – either for the adults or for everyone in the family - is for each person to draw a relative’s name from a hat and give just one present to that person.

Other ideas:

• Make a “rule” that every gift must be bought at an op shop. Or you could give hand-made stuff only – from baking to sewn or knitted garments to potted plants to works of art or clever jewellery.
• Or everyone could give away books from their bookshelves – not the ones they want to get rid of but the ones they think the recipients will most enjoy.
• Or give one another cards that say you have bought something for an underprivileged person in the name of the recipient. Many charities run such schemes. These seem to be becoming more common gifts, or at least partial gifts.

If you really want to buy something expensive that a particular person will love, do that for their birthday.

2. Food

Who really enjoys the quantity of food we tend to eat at Christmas? And having all that expensive special food on one day means each treat isn’t fully appreciated. I bet many families would welcome a change from the traditional spread.

Also, of course, the costs of food – and the preparation work - should be shared. You reckon you can’t ask Uncle Fred to contribute? Yes you can!

3. Drinks

Make the first one or two drinks a special craft beer or pricey wine. After that, who cares?

4. Decorations

Talk about wasted money on junk! The old ones you’ve used for years are fine – except for the Christmas tree. If you want new decorations, get the kids to make them or do it yourself.

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A lot of these changes can be achieved if you get onto them now. Send a message today to the whānau suggesting a new way of doing Christmas.

If it’s too late for this year, what better time to plan for Christmas 2021 than when you are all sitting around after your big December 25 meal, feeling too full and surrounded by unwrapped presents that you don’t really want?